Thursday, December 16, 2010

Paper Cuts.

I promised myself only to write when I’m enthused, or feeling unrestricted emotion.
I’m not convinced how I feel right now but I’m persuaded myself to type.


There are people who come into your life and instantaneously impact it. Others it may take time. Life has a funny way of working itself out, it may not be the way you intended but eventually just like the sea, it settles the current changes and finally it’s at rest.
I speak about “life” not as a specialist but only as a practiced presence that’s endeavored quite a lot for being in attendance for 23 years.

Someone may start with an undeniable, pleasant appeal and leave with a completely unintended exit.
 Some you find a rare connection with, others may hurt you like …
Paper cuts.
Small, survivable pain yet your neurons are so fixated on the wound it’s hard to disregard.

This week hasn’t been one of my favorites.

Some things are over before they even begin. We’re fighting with ourselves, we struggle with choices. Not knowing if the time is right, not certain if your hearts misleading your mind or vice versa. You can drowned yourself in emotion and get that sea or “life” choppy again constantly questioning.



Life is full of opportunities and decisions. I’ve had to remind myself happiness is based off of decisions. You are happy because you choose to be. You have people in your life because you’ve selected them to remain there. If you lack the effort or appreciation for someone and assume they know how you feel, look for them underneath the exit sign.



Everybody wants to be loved but sadly love doesn’t let us select its destination. Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in our hearts. We’re so eager to discover answers we fail to see the obvious. This week I found the obvious, or it found me. What I thought I had I truly didn’t. All that remains is the constant cycle of occurrences and memories that should have shined or beamed a light for me to see the apparent long ago. 
Shit happens.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
The silence is familiar, not much will change. Never take for granted someone special. Don’t neglect someone you cherish for who you care for might feel like trash and someone’s trash is another’s treasure.
Can you see the neon light from the exit sign glow on my cheek from where you're standing?


Opportunities do not come with their values stamped upon them.
Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending.


Until next time.



This is how it works
your young until your not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

Well this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you make
and stick it into some, someone else's heart
pumping someone elses blood
and walk in arm in arm
you hope it don't get harmed
but even if if does you'd just do it all again

Monday, December 6, 2010

Excitement.

                               Trail Excitement
Yeah, We've all been there.

But, I'm not talking elephant excitement.

I'm talking rare, stellar shit where a burst of arctic wind couldn't make your integumentary system wave like this feeling can.

Granted, I'm just as guiltily satisfied trunking like the elephants do and confusing this word, going about our lives after that release of "excitement" and feeling completely content.
but not tonight.




One thing I’ve learned from this journey I'm on:
depression                                 

There are moments and people who significantly alter your appreciation and perspective on life. Stretching the mind to believe and appreciate that you truly exist only in the quiet, steady thrill that is so unlike any pleasure you have ever known. At that moment you are no longer an observing, reflecting being; you have ceased to be aware of yourself; this is my definition of effortless, true, excitement. Many of us run from this precious moment


I heard a quote today which inspired me to actually write this blog tonight...

"
What you run from only stays with you longer."

True that.




 
Rapid heart racing, cheek hurting happiness is entangled with this excitement.  When that deep weight of luck engulfs your entire being, and you sit feeling so fortunate… Embrace that rarity this feeling or person does not come around often.